Hi, I’m Sierra Mazzucca. I want to welcome to my little corner of the internet—where words find their way through the heart’s tangled paths. This blog is home to poetry born from the quiet and loud moments of life. I write to give shape to what we often struggle to say—grief, love, healing, hope, faith, and the simple weight of everyday experience. Whether you’re navigating mental health challenges, processing loss, celebrating love, or searching for something deeper, I hope my words meet you where you are. Each poem is a reflection, a release, a reminder that you’re not alone. Thank you for being here.
I’ve been monitoring the new lines that appear all over my body, while trying to embrace time. I once counted each new gray but I have found it impossible to keep track of them with each new day. I enter my plea with my maker before I put my mind and body to sleep. I hold space and hope that he won’t forget to wake me. As the humans mind is overloaded with wastes of time, by dreading issues that are yours not mine. I find myself begging for you to just end this life. When situations are too painful for faith to be found within my mind. Like love, is it just a game I will forever not get picked to play? Or do you promise that to me one day? I’m fading like a dream when one awakes. I will be gone before another loves breath breaks. I stopped searching as you asked of me. But I think now that was the devil just impersonating. For many years I’ve been alone, and wondered what I did to earn your scold. Was I a murderer three times fold? I’m to repeat a life of lonely desperate disease. I’ve been keeping track of the depths of pain to which I can further retreat. But I went so low, lucifer was the only one willing to greet me. I thought I was loyal to the almighty but it doesn’t matter. You have plans I can’t control and you will make sure for my past I am forever smited.
Death is certain. That much is true It is the only thing that doesn’t change that the living must go through. We end as this thing we have had to sustain. Taking care of an investment that literally paid. Its hard to swallow that pill when you are young, healthy and well. But as these temporary skins show proof of living, the end becomes a glimmer of hope, than a fear for many. It’s a preparation for the next life, if any. None of us will know until it is our time to go. So why do we bother wasting present time on the unknown? Traveling to a future in which no one can define. We know we die. What further comfort should the source provide? It’s simple. It ends. Well this character at least does of you and I. And that is if we work out the wrinkles this time. I have heard find practical possibility not delusion to rely. I feel like hopeful people experience delirium more than the hopeless. With these miraculous thought intrusions we turn into success. The hopeful insist there is a creator who pulls the strings for all of this. But what if we picked these lives we are now stuck with. We knew exactly the pain we’d be dealt with. Yet we still decided this is the experience we would learn to be selfless. Death is certain that much is true. We end as this I and you. But if you leave without karma worked through, your journey will start all over again. As the same, but different you.
I have this theory. I’ve said it before. This life is past Karma that has yet to settle its score. I’m supposed to work it out, so I don’t have to come back as this character anymore. I can move on, and finally close this door. Get into a new form. And who knows which costume comes next, ready to be worn. Another expedition into a different way of existing then before. How many times do I have to feel the same aches and sores? Why is it that you keep sending me back here for more? What am I missing for you to draw complete to this suffering form called humanity. We showed you skin sacks are capable of love, but still full of hatred and deceit. I just want to move past this place out of this race. Back to where the light started. If not now then when? Mrs. D may be right. We have to live a million times as every single thing, in every aspect of life. To return with what we learned. Until we get what we need from that journey. To move forward and on to the next set the bright source designed. This energy and light travels everywhere, at every moment in time. We all came from the creator of the brightest light. One day the source became curious and disbursed it equally with a bang. Creating all you see and know, separating everything. The ball of living light exploded into planets, galaxies and souls alike. Everything was meant to be experienced at least once every life. So the creator could reap from the emissions of his little lights. Taking information you and I have supplied. Which is why you have to experience every single thing on the planet that he gave life. Not only the good energy, but negative too. Everything has lived millions of times. Even this body and spirit called you. But, we didn’t learn everything the creator needed us to. So we are back some the same, others a new. But we can’t report back without learning the feminine and masculine parts too. We are the lessons, characters, sets and scenes. We are little sparks from an existential light being. Existing to observe, absorb and report. It wouldn’t be a stretch to call us the messengers for the source. Little lights delivering experiences of every sort.
I know I am not unique when it comes to pain, stress or every day anxieties. I understand all beings deal with life and its uncertainties. when it comes to planning or everything going accordingly. All living things feel they are the center of the universe. Like no other being has felt pain or constant feelings of uncertainty. Thankfully, nature has graciously organized the principle of memory and forgettery. Alan says if you remembered everything you’d be like a piece of paper that has been written on, over and over again excessively. Until you are unable to distinguish between one thing, this, that or anything. Memories are scribbles on a mental board, where nature kindly steps in and erases what we knew before. Just to start over again as something different. And, it doesn’t matter what you come back as. It will all feel the same. Because you will have nothing to recall when you come back, no comparisons can be made. As there will be no memories from past life forms lived. Which means we all start at the same place. A middle where memories are stolen that were once made. And the biggest lie humans are delusional enough to believe, is that we have time to plan ahead. But time was never ours to reserve or keep. What gave us the right to hold moments hostage calling it time, just to fit our needs. For placement within the experience of life. The idea is we reproduce artistically, biologically, and technically. We need to believe there is something bigger controlling everything, and that’s just in order for me to be able to be me. The moral could be argued that you are always in the same place, the middle of everything. No matter the species, nature has the last say. We are the middle everywhere, every time we are invited back to this place. Yet still there are no words that can exactly capture the experience of existing, that one could say. I just know I am not unique as I once believed. And everything is a mere reflection of me.
Time after time, I find myself dropping to my knees. Down to the same indented part in the ground, that has lately become home for me. Begging for answers to be sent first- class mail delivery. But when I pray for strength, you send more challenges for me to complete. I assume it is to give me muscles spiritually, and mentally. Before physically strengthening my body. Either way you listen to my aches and soothe the sores I make. However it is on your time, and that you usually take. I get tired and scream, this is all too much for one human being. Why do you keep testing me? Will I ever be the spiritual genius you are training me to be? You have this relentless faith in me. And even more so when I find it hard to believe in my own abilities. Regardless of the things I said to you in poor taste, you comfort my soul until I myself can care for my own aches. And I have been asking you for things so casually every day. Like you are some sort of ATM machine here to service beings that just take. Lately I feel ignored, like you blocked me. Ghosted me. Credit declined. No peace has been paid onto me for some time. And For that faithless way of thinking I am sorry, it is not mine. I’m just getting antsy in this flesh sack you designed for me. Feeling this human loneliness, I wish you made me differently. I am aware I don’t fall for old tricks so easily. I understand there is a man behind the curtain trying to control me. But I see past the deceptive cloak the magician is wearing. I know I have a purpose but the tricks will continue to distract and deter me. Keep me thinking I have something missing. So I keep searching. Feeling empty. Undeserving. Still I pray to you. I sometimes come in pieces hoping whole is the miracle you can make of me. I ask you to continue to guide the path my choices made. That you can show grace when sending new pop quizzes for me to take. I will forever be grateful for this life you allowed me to make. Especially for the beautiful human you helped me create. If this rocky path is where you need me to be, then for you I will grow callouses on the bottom of my feet. I will continue to walk the road you laid ahead of me. For you have a purpose for me, in everything.
I am.you are. we are, individually, collectively the universe in its entirety. Little flesh sacks, made of energy. So why do I still feel so depleted, lonely and unloved even after awakening? If I am everything expressing itself congruently, why does it feel so defeating?
I listened to a voice worth repeating. His words went you are alone because you no longer see the magic show and feel surprised. You already know the rabbits in the hat. There is no excitement derived when you understand and realize you are everything outside. You are the whole thing. Already complete. This null idea that we need someone whole is like a wave thinking it needs another wave to become water. Or the sea. It was always water. But the world convinced us we are all separate entities. Still that man insisted this loneliness is a feature which is the introduction to something out of the ordinary. Loneliness was a story I had been telling myself, to make it easier to sit higher up on the shelf. Out of the way of heartbreak. Mainly caused by self. Before awakening I seen and agreed with the way humans depicted love should be. But that way is transactional. His words would say it’s a barter system between 2 ghosts in the dark, hoping to see the light of day. I was taught like many others that my other half is somewhere out there looking for me. That I am not complete until we meet. And I have been playing dress up to someones made up bullcrap about me. They had no Whimsical thought threads. So, I was to continue and believe this bullshit I was fed and digested unconsciously. Mantras on repeat, that I will remain incomplete if I don’t find my heart’s missing piece. That’s fiction to say the least. And another brainwashing technique to break an already broken humanity. I was not awake for many years, so I couldn’t break that hypnotic state. I just kept searching, hoping I will find my other half one day. And that is supposed to be romance? This constant search for a piece that will never make you feel complete.
Just a thought mirage. The image is sneaky and it’s mission is to deceive. Love is fear, dressed up in Versace. Sparkly. The possible rewards draw you in. Yes it’s good for a moment in the beginning when excitement loses you sleep. Or never ending thinking of the person and what they are doing. And this is called falling in love. As if it happens to you, but it’s something you do. It stems from need the desperate demand to flee from the uncomfortability of being alone with ourselves. Scared of being with just this stranger to you. To “the self”. It’s been forced onto us to believe there is a necessity for us to prove that we have value, we exist. And that another finds us deserving of that deep attention we yearn to get. When I woke up I seen everything as it was. The bargaining between two things, to give the other something the other thinks they need. So, I am no longer interested in chasing other beings. There is nothing I am missing.
I am complete, awakened listening. I still see the ability involved in romanticizing and I will take a moment to observe this without being fooled by it. But the idea that I have a void inside me, that needs filling Is false. It was a story I told myself. tailored my entire existence around to continue to search for what never needed to be found. Sadly there is a piece and price to pay when you awake. You see the acting and all the charades. So, you are lonely because you are too aware to return to that old thinking state. And one day you find someone who is also awake, and aware. They don’t need someone externally to feel whole internally. Two expressions of the same reality. Experiencing life the same, but differently.
I’ve tried to break down time, but there is no sense. There are no words to describe how it all works or when it will end. I used to believe the living were the cursed. Now, I know I am blessed to be on this earth. Every life is beautiful, significant and full of worth. We all come from where the light was birthed. This living was never meant to be defined. It was just a gift given to you and I. Within an ecosystem built by a curious and magical mind. Every experience offers the soul to feel more alive. To change the familiar Into your own unique encounter of this life. Often times I find my eyes chasing species with wings into the sky. Daydreaming that I too can fly. I wonder if I as a human will ever get to experience that type of freedom wings bring. There has to be a freedom similar for us human beings. Is it death, is that where such a freedom will meet me? I know I should be grateful I have lungs with air circulating. Limbs that work, I should be so elated. But recently I’ve been mind traveling. It’s my way of vacationing. Teleporting mentally. You’d think it would be free. But it is heart taxing. It’s the one place I still have everybody. Alive, living life. Still, there are some memories I can’t find. Their locations has been turned off. It’s my prefrontal cortexes’ fault. It did a great job suppressing negative thoughts. Lessening the outgoing signals the amygdala gave off. Which also blocked my memory log. So, I am here trying rewind a timeline that has many missing slots. Painful moments. My memory got clever and protected me. by blurring their visuals and muting their AUXILIARY. This magical body knew what to do to get me from point A to point B. A magician created you and me. Who meticulously planned how his tiny creations will self sustain and survive this living. Abracadabra, and poof the existence of you and me.
I’ve remained calm and collected just the same. I’ve gone with your flow. Been alone like you insist I remain. I’ve seen the love you disburse to people around me. Just skipping over me every time, entirely. Like I’m a black hole. Where nothing good goes in, or comes out from inside me. Why have you chosen to exclude me from falling in love or someone sane falling for me? Instead, you just leave me sinking in the boat of my imaginations misery. Finding it hard to breathe under the weight. Always dangle hearts in front of me. After I finally catch my breath from the last test you used to strengthen me. You have the power to excuse this pain. Toss me a line, save me from drowning in loves name. Yet, still here I am suffocated and feeling regurgitated on your time never mine. I know you say the reward is great in heaven for the poor, the hungry and weeping. I’ve been empty, broken and lamenting. My tear wells have dried up indefinitely. My heart is showing signs of irreparable damage to my power lines. I turn to you without pride. I ask for comfort In place of distress. However that looks, it’s not my place to plan out or imagine it. I hope for deliverance from my imagination. For this discomfort and loneliness is not something I want to transfer, after I leave this pit of damnation. May I not be earthly rich when I leave this place. For all my comfort will have been received in material gifts, during this human stay. I pray the pain here is worth all the rewards the stories promised we’d be repaid. And maybe love will make its way to my heart, before you see fit for me to leave this place. Hopefully while I have the ability to reciprocate. Because recently I’ve been mind traveling, as an escape Teleporting mentally, from everything. It’s the one place I have access to emotions I misplaced. There are so many feelings I pushed away. It’s my prefrontal cortexes’ fault. It did a great job suppressing negative thoughts. Lessening the outgoing signals the amygdala gave off. Only I am here trying rewind a timeline that has many missing slots. Like falling in love. And Not the one imposed through blood. I’ve been still long enough. Just tell me with this flesh body ever be inlove.
For a second you had me under a spell. I believed you were some sort of prince charming, at first you seemed like you meant well. But you were sent straight from hell. It didn’t take me long to see you were everything but a charismatic man. You lack a grip of reality and sanity. It’s a bit alarming. Also closer to a frog, then a prince who is charming. You were and still may be obsessed with your obsession with me. Seemed you liked but even more hated me. Such a thin line between the truth and a lie. I sensed jealousy but to me you were feeble, and mentally weak. Just an extinguisher of others bright. A vacuum trying to suck out my light. All mad because you will never be the source of the twinkle in my eyes. Nor will you ever make me smile as bright as the skies on 4th of July. Definitely one thing’s for sure I could never have counted on you, even if you were a calculator. I would gladly delete your memory from my mind but turns out you were just an offer from the devil that I declined. A lesson for my heart not to trust my eager mind. A scar to remember that the good don’t seek to spiritually deplete your brightness, they encourage your shine. You are the devils imprint, I cast outside. You will have to fight me for what is rightfully mine. Please STAY OFF MY LINE.
I didnt learn to defend what I believed in just to be mistreated by some God for saken heathen.
I’m tired of you LU. Even so your grasp over him, will not become my undue. I know you wish I was as petty as you. But my faith prevents you from getting a chance to steal from me, like you used to do. You moved into his brain and sucked out his wants and a life he never knew. Again you got him begging for poison, to rid himself from you. You LU! You are the reason he feels he needs to. It is because you convinced his mind nothing he thinks can ever be true. So he found a way to silence you. Or at least he believed that to be true. When in reality he only pulled you closer to, what’s left of the brother I knew. Does it excite you he draws himself nearer to death, by his own hands nonetheless? Or your hands who convinced him they are his, and what he is doing is for the best. You got into his head, now you want his heart. Still jaded you were cast out into the dark. You became nothing, even less than before. Just a fallen, disobedient, little used to be, angel boy. While my brother may be under your control in his flesh temporarily, but you will never take the love god instilled in him or me. Thats his to forever keep. He’s a solider, who may appear to be weak. But his soul is pure and you cant snub him out permanently. I hold hope one day my brother will be completely set free. I just want him back. My funny,smart ass brave brother. He deserves to experience life, without you causing a commotion in his mind all the time. The meds lower the voices that haunt his eyes. If you were in a skin suit, I’d have my way with you. Oh LU, I will burn you to ashes again and again. I’d be a frequent confessor, if you were in a humans skin. GOD forgive me for speaking so true, and callous as it is late, but fuck you LU. I am ready to fight you.
